doubt.

Marriage is a one-time thing (at least it should be). I'm 19 years old. Am I ready to get married? Will a person ever feel completely ready to get married? This isn't me announcing my engagement...I've just been thinking a lot lately about marriage. It's a big decision. My New Testament teacher gave some good counsel this morning in class. He talked about how if a person wanted to marry someone great, then they should be great. Create a sweet life by always focusing on the light of Christ. Eternity is a long time so how can a person be completely certain about what person they want to spend their forever with? My Bishop also gave me some good counsel. He said to act in faith and to let that faith overcome your fear and doubts. Just like in all the other decisions in my life, I'm stuck. I'm an extremely indecisive person, which makes deciding who to marry or when to get married that much more difficult. There are days when I look at Josh and think "Wow. I wanna marry this man right this instant." Then I have days when I think "I'm 19. There is no way that I am ready to be a wife." Most of the time, that's not the case. Most days are good and I want to get married. I know there's supposed to be opposition in all things, but why does the Lord put such heavy decisions on my mind? I also have my doubts sometimes about Josh. I love him so much, but that doesn't mean I'm not scared. Is this supposed to be a scary decision? Should I be feeling so indecisive?

If that wasn't enough to overwhelm my brain, I have so much to do this week. Since Mom and Dad will be here Friday, I want to get all my homework done for this week and for next Monday so I don't have to worry about school while they are here. I didn't do so great on my Statistics test on Saturday so I went to meet with my teacher this morning. He was very helpful and just from talking with him for about 5 min this morning, I feel so much better. I have a 600-700 word paper due on Friday for my music class. I have about 40 pages altogether of reading due for Monday for numerous classes. Tonight I'm going to rehearse with my rumba and waltz partners for the lab, which is tomorrow night. haha. Do you ever have those days or weeks that just feel like the world is ending? Today or this week is one of those times. To add more fuel to the flame, I can't stress out about any of the above because then I'll get sick. So of course, I stress out about not stressing out so I don't get sick...joys of having a chronic illness I guess.

I am excited for General Conference this weekend and of course to see my parents. I'm glad that there's a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. I just need to get myself through this week. Get to it, Jasmine! :)